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Michael Cohen, eager masochist and former gofer to President Trump, couldn’t go to prison without one last act of self-humiliation.

Everything ever written about Cohen paints a cautionary tale for young boys. Now, son, here’s a man you don’t want to become. Whether he’s confessing his unrequited love for his boss (“I’m the guy who would take a bullet for the president”) or taking “responsibility” for his years of bank fraud and his taxi medallion scheme (he also neglected to claim income from the sale of a luxury purse), there is no redeeming quality to Cohen’s public life.

And yet he insists on making it public, like some weird, degrading kink.

Before going away to federal prison for three years, Cohen had yet another embarrassment to bring on himself.

“I hope that when I rejoin my family and friends that the country will be in a place without xenophobia, injustice, and lies at the helm of our country,” he read from prepared remarks, no doubt feeling his heart pound with adrenaline. “There still remains much to be told and I look forward to the day that I can share the truth.”

The day that he could “share the truth” was apparently not any of the days since Nov. 29, 2018, the day he pleaded guilty to a litany of charges. “Much to be told” was apparently too much for his two days of congressional testimony in February.

Cohen is apparently under the impression that the public is desperate to hear more from the guy who once dreamed like a child of being mayor of New York. We’ll all certainly be on the edge of our seats for three years to hear once again from the guy who stupidly pleaded guilty to a ridiculous campaign finance violation — in addition to tax evasion, bank fraud, and lying to Congress.

It’s as if Cohen googled “media expert,” clicked on the first result and then paid $1,000 for advice on what to say before going to prison. The result was his condemnation of Trump’s “xenophobia, injustice, and lies.”

How very novel. We haven’t heard any of that before on CNN, MSNBC, the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time magazine, the Associated Press, ABC, CBS …

Go away, Michael Cohen. There are, I’m guessing, equally exhilarating ways to embarrass yourself in prison.